The Nuns

I had an interview today for an activities assistant position...in an old folks home. However, I think I should point out one crucial thing, it's one run by nuns. So today, while the rest of you were skiving off on a snow day, I was being interviewed by nuns. From the get go, there was something not quite right about the day. Perhaps it was the 3 inches of snow on my car. Perhaps it was me arriving half an hour early and having to sit in the car. Or perhaps it was me being greeted by a sweet old dear with sagging tights and a plastic bag at the door that made me think 'I don't think I'm right for this job.' So anyway, I met the woman who arranged the interview. Only when I was in there sitting down did I realise I'd forgotten to take off my black nail varnish. It made my efforts to conceal my tattoo with a strategically placed watch seem pointless. So while I hid my hands from sight, I heard about what they do there; what the job would entail. I was then informed one of the Sisters and the Holy Mother (I think that was her title) would be in to talk to me later. And that they were. Holy Mother: So what experience do you have? Me: Well, as far as organising activities goes, I've had a lot of experience in both paid and voluntary work from college blablablabla.... And I was telling Katherine that I actually volunteered here during Transition Year so I'm familiar with the home. Holy Mother: And I see you studied Commerce with German. And spent your 3rd year in Germany. Where in Germany were you? Me: In a place called Passau. It's in Bavaria on the Austrian border. Holy Mother: Oh the Holy Father is from there isn't he Sister? Me: Sorry? Holy Mother: The Holy Father, Benedictine, he's from there. Me: Oh the Holy Father, really. (Ah the Holy Father is the Pope. Right. Fucking hell, I'm dying here. I don't even know what they say in mass anymore.) Sister: The internet is great isn't it? We don't have it here but you can get all the music you like off it and listen to it. Me: Yeah it's great isn't it? Holy Mother: We celebrated a 100th birthday here recently. And remember that man that died the other day Sister, he was 99 wasn't he? Me: Oh....wow. So on, so on, awkwardness, talk about my granny to relate to the old people. Struggle to think of a question to ask them to sound like a suitable candidate. End of interview. I think I nailed it. Don't you?

- Originally published 2/2/2009